We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize