I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
