Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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