Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
