I bet he comes in French.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
