Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
