Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize