hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
