How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
