i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
