I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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