I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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