Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
