No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like, not good at living.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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