proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
