I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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