he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
