Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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