I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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