Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
