Banned from zoo.
Again?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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