How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
