There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
