apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
