Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
