i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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