my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
