I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
