remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
