I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
