I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
