Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
