Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
