I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
