you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
