my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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