Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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