he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He passed out mid-signature
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
