i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
