I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
