I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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