you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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