My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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