I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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