4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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