Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
