Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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