I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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