I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
