Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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