did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
