All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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