why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
