mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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