Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
