Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
