he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize