Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
