5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I could make wine with my vomit
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
