She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
