I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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