so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
