She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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