so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
