I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
