Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
