She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
