She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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