I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
