You really coming over, don't trick.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
