Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ok first of all what the fuck
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
